Thank you for your very kind words, EmeraldMonster (cool screen name!) My mother also has some narcissistic and borderline traits. My older sibling was her golden child, and I was her scapegoat. But there were other complications for her where I was concerned. The younger brother I mentioned who she was more of a mother than sister too died nearly a year before I was born, and she took the death very, very hard. She was pregnant with me during that grief so that could have played a role in my brain development, and added to that was that I was forever associated in her mind with that loss. A further addition was that I was a tomboy and she wanted me to be girly. I wanted to play in the mud and climb trees, and she wanted me to stay in with her to bake brownies and play with dolls. She took my rejection of that as a rejection of her and it only deepened our divide. We have a much better relationship now, not perfect, but better. My father was, and still is, an equal-opportunity critic. He handles stress and change very poorly and lashes out at anyone nearby. He too has calmed a little and our relationship is better. It's my former golden-child sibling who has cut ties with the family, and is a very extreme narcissist.

Every situation is different and I 100% understand having to cut ties with a toxic family as you did. If parents are continuing that toxic behavior with their adult children, there is no other healthy option. In my family's case, my sister cut ties when they stopped buying her groceries every week and doing her laundry for her, usually 3 loads. My parents never did half for me what they did for her, and they realized too late that they did too much for her and not enough for me. We've been able to heal our relationships, but not everyone is that fortunate.

I still have a lot of skills to learn and am looking at some resources. This site has really helped me in my path to healing, and the wonderful people on here are SO supportive.

I'm very glad your husband is so supportive. Having someone who really believes in you can make all the difference in a person's life. I hope to find that some day but I can't help but feel that it's unfair to subject anyone else to my damage.

Thank you again for your kindness and your thoughts. Hugs to start your week!