I’m curious to know which aspects contributed to your fears and feelings of inadequacy at least from your viewpoint?

All you know it’s not only one aspect. In my case, I kind of think my own temperament when I was born played a major role. Since very little I saw myself different. Almost everyone in this part of my country are so friendly, fun...I’m just the opposite. Pessimistic, shy, awkward. I guess this is followed by a feeling of not being accepted by my parents. On one side, my father thought it would be a good idea to accept my godfather’s request to adopt me ( his wife couldn’t procreate and this couple was the sort of best part in my family, they ****ing had money), on another side, my mum wanted I was born a boy as a sort of tribute to my grandad. That epoch was pretty patriarchal here in my country. However, I knew about all that when I grew up. So, I don’t know up to what point I could notice a lack of affection from my parents.
All I can remember is that I never felt good enough, I tried to avoid the opposite sex, even my own grandad, because I didn’t feel comfortable or confident with the opposite sex. As something very strange to me.
Also I remember feeling angriness, of course, it wasn’t very obvious. You know, girls had to be or at least, look nice, polite, softy.
I don’t know which weigh more whether my own way of being or how I was brought up. It’s hard to say.