Do you have meds that help with the sz? I would think it would be very hard to figure out who's doing what to whom :-) normally with your dx's.

I would think of something, a trait, you would like to be or have and emulate that; honesty, friendliness, intelligence, humor, whatever. Figure out what something would look like and then try to copy it whenever/however you can. Insofar as you succeed according to your judgment, that would be what you want?

Right now, here, you're saying you want to tell the difference between you and made up stuff and you're honestly "working" to understand and engaged in that particular desire of yours. You didn't make up wanting this so that's "you"/yours. Whatever it feels like to you writing and reading and responding to a post like this, that's what you want and are trying to do, be, copy, find, experience, recreate, etc.