Yes, I have a disorganized attachment style. Currently I am very isolated. For the most part I only have T and H in my life in any real way now. I struggle with attachment to H a lot. He worries that I don’t love him or that I am going to leave him because of how the attachment style is impacting our relationship. T is working very hard at (and doing a very good job of) building my first strong, healthy attachment. Yes, I get scared a lot. I wonder what is the point in attaching to a T, to your doctor. I wonder what the point is. For me I am very attached to T despite all the fears, doubts and confusion. T has said from the beginning that he has to be very careful to protect my heart as we work.
What keeps me engaged is seeing T having things and doing things I want.