Couples counseling could help but both people want things to work out for it to be of benefit.

Is it possible she has a medical issue that could be causing her pain while being intimate? Or it could be a medication killing her sex drive.

My husband and I have been on meds that just took away our ability to have sex or reach orgasm. We both had to make medication changes...

I’m not sure how old your wife is but many women struggle to want sex, hormones and all

Have you guys ever just cuddled with no expectation of being intimate ? Maybe she would rather argue than be in the position of needing to
Be intimate.

Of course these are all just ideas to think about , maybe something will help.

I’m sorry your having marital trouble