Thanks for your post. I was diagnosed with PDNOS several years ago and don't have anything on the outside that most people would characterize as antisocial but I sure have a lot of angry, misantropic feelings on the inside, so I can identify some with what you have written. Also the difficulty of going forward in life with a personality disorder, diagnosed or not.
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Originally Posted by feb2020user
. . .
I still don't have a concrete identity. . .
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This is a problem, as I understand it, with all personality disorders.
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Originally Posted by feb2020user
. . My psychologist says that it could be because I'm so antisocial that any attempts others have made to define me or put me in a role have been met with hostility from me. So I never really integrated with any role or habit of mine. The closest thing I have to an identity is what I want, and then I'll just do anything to achieve that, but what I want is normally just some form of amusement. In the past, that's made me cruel, but my psychologist helped me pick "pro-social" ways of amusing myself.
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In my case I DID identify with my roles and responsibilities but that was not any kind of internal identity and it disappeared when my late husband died and the kids grew up. And, because I didn't get along in the rest of the world very well I didn't develop anything else.