Sigh. The new minimum payment on my credit card is $120. The minimum payment on the loan I had to take out to cover my cat’s surgery is $157. I don’t know where I’m going to get an extra $277 a month. I can’t take a second job because it will only be in retail, and I would end up leaving my son with RS for most of the week and weekends. I’d never get to see him. I haven’t found a reliable way to make money online that doesn’t require me to be up for all hours on my computer. I could save $50 by only paying $50 on my other credit card instead of $100, which would be ok as it has a low balance. But that’s only $50. I’ve already stopped smoking (though I do still use a juul, which is about $20/wk for the pods), I’ve given up eating breakfast and lunch out. I don’t buy Starbucks anymore. I make an effort to cook all week and shop at the discount grocery store. RS has significantly more money than me, but I don’t feel right about asking him to cover a bill or pay more on rent. He buys groceries too for us, and he usually pays when we go out.

And now I have a $1200 deductible with my insurance, so I’ll have to pay out of pocket until I hit that deductible. My pdoc sent me a bill for $125. Thankfully I only see her once every three months. But my therapist isn’t even in my network. Even when I hit my deductible I will still have to pay her 25% of the total cost of the session. We have reduced sessions to once every two weeks instead of weekly, but I may have to part ways with her entirely. If I do, I will not be looking for another therapist. I feel as though I’ve gotten all I can out of therapy. I certainly don’t want to start over with someone new.

So, in summation, I have no money.