i've been watching my patterns and cycles of depression more closely lately....

it's a lot easier now to identify my triggers and practice has made it easier to deal with them sometimes....

it is interesting to note that certain ideas, memories, objects have two distinct abilities in affecting my emotions...

an array of emotions between 'up' and 'down'....

sometimes i will be on a very good flow, feeling at peace and feeling positive and that all is exactly as it should be, that i am healing very well, and hope abounds with promise...

and then one something will invade my thoughts and the wave will spin, and turn.... the cycles collide... creating a visual for me like ocean waves crashing on the rocks.....

i then dream about the cycle of my depression and visualise a rolling wave.... to be inside the cycle and rolling with it.... and the water speeds up.....

then there is an undertow facotr where i fear drowning....... and i fight against currents so much stronger than myself....

then i am thankful to be able to breathe air.......

this is a flashback from a near death experience i had as a teen while almost drowning.....