Thread: Codependent
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partyofone
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Default Feb 12, 2020 at 12:19 PM
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Be Still View Post
Good question! I am recovering from codependency (what a relief it is!). It is such a powerless feeling to need a person so much, and most of the time codependent people are plagued with a lot of fear and anxiety about detachment from this person. There is nothing romantic about it. To answer your question (if I can) I think we first need to understand how the codependency comes about. Codependency is a response to recovering or dealing with past pain or trauma. When we feel that void inside of us, sometimes it is too physically painful for us to go in and heal it, and what happens is we will latch onto the first thing that seems to be the cure/medicine to the life we are in. That is why we need them so much. Life without them means we are exposed/vulnerable/insecure/unstable again. Most codependent relationships end up being toxic because we want the other person to fulfill our unmet needs. That is a lot of pressure. And this pressure turns sour.

So if you want to end this pain of codependency you need to decide to separate yourself from this person for some time. It won’t be easy or fun, and they most probably will argue against this. But during this separation you need to allow yourself to be exposed again, vulnerable again, and deal with past scars that may have brought you into the loving arms of this person. Heal and forgive who ever you need to. Not for them but for the health of your future relationships. Then take some few months to re-learn who you are. Practice self-care, set some personal goals, start exercising or walking, journaling etc. Come back to yourself so that if you choose to go back to your codependent person, you are going back fully independent and self-sufficient. With love for yourself and more love to share with them.

I hope it all works out to your favour!
Those are excellent suggestions. It reminded me of a recent situation when I was considering breaking up from my boyfriend because I was giving so much to and getting so little from the relationship.

When I decided to do this, I had my one and only panic attack ever. My T said it was attachment panic. I'd not heard the term, but it made perfect sense.

Lots of suggestions in these forums helped me cope, including all the ones you mentioned.

Anyway . . . I revisited that original decision and decided (again) it was the right one.

Very soon will move out of the relationship and out of state, and excited and thrilled about it!

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