Hi,
My husband has a 3 1/2 year old daughter from a woman he used to see every now and then before we got seriously involved. He did not want the child. He has never met the child except for the day she was born. The woman kept sending my husband pictures and videos and my husband enjoyed seing her grow from a distance. I did not think this was a problem. In the beginning of our relationship, I told my husband that if he wanted to meet the child, we could visit them for a day and see how it felt for everyone. He did not want this. At that time, we were planning to move to another country and my husband told me that he might like to host the child at our new home one day when she grew old enough. I made it clear to him that if the child wanted to get to know him, we could together decide how we would go about this but until then, I did not want the ex to come over with her for a short stay. First of all , we live in a small town where everyone knows us and secondly, I do not want another woman and a child in my life. This has lifetime consequences for everyone and I think one should be very careful about it. I also know that the woman had feelings for my husband. Recently, I checked his messages and saw that during Christmas, he texted her to say 'wish you were here' after seing the pictures of his daughter. The woman replied by saying he was intoxicated and that she still had feelings for him. Following this chat, I found out that he invited them over and sent her some hotel suggestions close to our home. She said she would find it difficult knowing he was married but still agreed to do it. I have never been involved in any of this. I decided not to tell my husband that I checked his messages and am waiting for him to tell me. I am very upset because whatever his reasons are, he has not involved me. If I had been in his shoes, I would have been open to him. This is a huge breach of trust for me, and I am afraid I cannot stay with him. If he ignores my feelings now, he will most probably ignore them in the future as well. Although I do love him, I do not feel I can trust him after this. Can you please give me some advice ?