Really hate myself right now. I can't sleep because of crap weighing on my mind. I need to get this out. So many of you have suggested therapy/seeing a pdoc to me. Well, this is actually a hot button issue. You see, I've tried it and while I had someone to listen to me at a particularly difficult time in my life, I was ultimately paying someone to just listen to me talk. I could do that here and get better feedback! Second therapist was a little more extreme in the other manner. Talked about herself too much and spoke slowly too so it wasted my precious time. Third therapist (same clinic as first) was for DBT. Only went 4 sessions before we came to the conclusion that this wasn't helping me. First of all, the stuff was like common sense to me. I was already doing similar things from yoga meditation in the past as well as my hubby s logical advices (he may lack emotional empathy, but he's very logical which helps me think less "borderline" like). Anyway, oh and we also canceled because I couldn't do certain exercises for x, y, and z reasons.

Moving on to the pdoc. As I mentioned already (in my journal thread), I'd spend hours trying to set appointments, wait in the waiting room and only get like 10minutes of time to talk and we'd discuss the same b crap every time. Other than getti g my meds, it was not worth it. Waste of tons of time and money because I'd have to make an appointment for EVERY refill! My GP can do this over the phone.

So, while I don't value the thoughtful advice, it just may not work for me. Oh yes, and the fact that I don't really have a ride to go there anymore either. And that it frustrated the heck out of my husband because he wasn't seeing any progress (not that there necessarily wasn't progress, but he pays the bills and wanted to see progress. I can at least understand that.)

Anyway, so yeah, just know that this is why I'm super anxious about my next meeting with my GP because he also seems to be hinti g at therapy too and I privately messaged him that it did help some. He already knows my husband's feelings on the matter. I'm anxious about talking about some of the things that are bothering me about my marriage as well, because it might come as a shock to my husband...although I've tried to tell him things many times. There is one thing though that I haven't yet addressed and I've finally figured out exactly what I need (I think). It's one of the love languages. He doesn't show me love like I need it. He shows me how he needs it. He's very stubborn about this, but I need to make him understand the importance...

Sigh! Ok, I think I'm talked out.

Check my journal thread if you can. I do worry that no one will read it, hence coming here right now, but maybe now youll know. I dunno. I've gotta get to bed now, or at least try. Goodnight!