"She says I'm rude, disrespectful and controlling."

maybe she is "denying" you because you deny her respect and freedom to be in control of her own choices.

Not saying whether it's true or not but if that's her perception there's a reason for that. It sounds as thought you are simplifying a problem that you are avoiding facing either about yourself or the relationship as a whole. I have a hard time believing that after 30 yrs of marriage you are completely unaware of the things your wife has a problem with in your personality and/or behavior.

*edit* I meant to add this thought.

Typically women do choose not to have sex (or deny as some men put it) because they are unhappy or expect something more from their husbands and boyfriends. too often the men only see that they are not being given sex as much and focus on what their so is refusing to do rather than ask why

I doubt this is new, but instead of focusing on what she is NOT giving you (sex) how about trying to figure out what it is she is asking you to do/give (to her) ?