Why on earth would you ever say that anyone would wish you had died? That is terrible talk. Terrible.

You have been through a huge operation and a huge ordeal. It is going to take time to get your strength back. Don't rush it. Take your time. It will come.

If your pain meds aren't working, you need to tell your surgeon. You should not be hurting as much as it sounds like you are. There is better pain control available--trust me. But they can't help you if they don't know what is going on.

Sending you strength and support. You can get through this. I hope you feel better soon!!!!