[Please excuse me for any mistake in english. Also, this post has no purpose. I just want to let it out...]

never say this, because it's just a useless rant, but for the first time in my life I see... that I didn't deserved what has happened to me in the last years of my life.
I look at it trying to be fair, and yes i made mistakes, but I used to be overall a good, helpful, working person. Maybe not really intelligent and enough goal oriented to build a stable career
I lost control and everything went down so much... especially on the working side. And i lost a person i wanted in my life and gave too much to the wrong ones.
And yet I know it's just my fault
I find it hard to get back on my knees in this situation.
I wish my family was more supportive. I love them, but in my worst moments they were just standing there watching at it.
I wish I had control back but it's not going to happen. I'm under-qualified for my age and struggling.
Before 2017, I was lucky enough to had quite a stamina and wanted to even go back to school but then failed to grip
When I was younger i used to be a working girl and so proud of it
Well... at least it was