I'm so sorry you experienced such a traumatic surgery. I did some online research and your emotional state is a normal response actually -- because its totally normal to feel sad, depressed, even hopeless.

As long as you let it all out -- cry, scream, if you have to. Be mad. It's better to release your feelings than pretend you are ok. No one would expect someone to be 'ok' after what you just experienced.

You will be athletic again where you walk for hours and work out in the gym 2 hours a day. That won't happen until you're fully recovered after about 3 months (according to the health websites I read through about your surgery type). Give yourself that goal of 3 months to look forward to.

Start out with small steps; get through the hours. Then, get through the days. Then, the weeks. Next thing you know, it will be June and you'll be running 10 miles 'in the zone' and happy you had this surgery b/c now the problem is repaired.

Days after my TBI, I was in severe pain and my emotional state of mind was all over the place. Took me a long time to feel like myself again, but I did. You will feel like yourself again. You will.

Talk to the hospital counselor about your depression. They'll support you.

Follow bpcyclist's advice about your pain levels so they can give you a better pain med.

Also, ask for a heating pad. Heat is very soothing. I don't know if you can have one but if you can, even heated blankets will soothe you.

Hang in there ok? We're all here for you!