Sorry that this is happening to you.

Maybe taking things one day at a time will help. Imagining all those days ahead can be overwhelming. Focusing on what is front of you just for today may lighten the load a bit. If things are rough during the day, try taking things an hour or even one minute at a time or perhaps better yet, one slow, deep breath at a time.

Good to read you are more positive in your 3rd than in your first message.

Take care and sending good thoughts your way!