My Support Forums - View Single Post - Emotional triggers and self-improvement

sarahsweets · Feb 13, 2020, 09:14 AM

Hey @Have Hope: I do not know how closely you want to track your weight but I'd like to share what I started doing. Before my gastric bypass I was weight obsessed. I "tried" bulimia but I wouldnt say I was bulimic because I believe I was suffering from "disordered eating"(not sure if thats an actual dx or not). I would go from one fad diet to another, fasting, overeating, only eating certain foods, restricting, you name it. I do not believe I had a food addiction but I do believe my early childhood trauma affected me and I believe that those feel good chemicals in my brain were triggered when I ate certain foods. As a child- how do you escape that stuff? For me, it was food. I also believe there was a metabolism issue, genetically speaking, that made me hold on to weight. I had gastric bypass to lose weight- yes but the specific one I had was the roux-n-y. I dont think they were doing the sleeves 13 years ago but I dont remember. I chose this particular surgery because not only did it reduce the size of my stomach to physically affect my eating, it changed the absorption. At the time it was hardly covered by insurance and honestly, more "regulated" in the sense that I had to sign paperwork saying I knew I would have to take supplements for the rest of my life, that I knew it was a tool and not a solution and that I was aware that certain poor food choices could make me sick. I think that was a good thing- because I do know a lot of people who end up gaining weight back. Sorry to bog this down- what I started doing post surgery was weighing myself once a week. I was still weight obsessed and would judge myself by those numbers and by what progress I thought i made or didnt make. Since the surgery I have kept all but about 15-20lbs off. I lose and regain those pounds all the time depending on the type of foods I eat. I may not be able to eat a lot but eating small amounts of crap all day will inevitably lead to weight gain. I found that once I lost most of the weight I was still weighing myself too much. I used my perceived success or failure as a weapon of self destruction to somehow hold against myself which wasnt healthy. Unfortunately for me, the "escaping" through food turned into alcoholism but genetically I am 100% certain that the bipolar mixed with paternal genetics was what lead me to have an addictive personality. I overcame it but now I struggle with smoking. I think you shouldnt weigh yourself more than once a week, once a month if you can stand it. I think you should weigh yourself naked in the morning after you go to the bathroom- at the same time. Its really the best way to really see what's going on. I promise you it really helps with the mental obsession. Sorry to go on and on its just something I am passionate about. In particular we women are held against unrealistic ideals and sexualized and judged by how we look. We internalize those ideals and begin to live by them. Being in that state of mind is like being in a bad neighborhood- you are bound to get jumped.
xxxooo

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

I weighed myself this morning and to my great chagrin, somehow I GAINED three pounds! I knew I felt heavier yesterday at work..... but I don't get it. I've been following my Slim Fast diet, I've been really good and eating healthy snacks like fruit and nuts otherwise, then a normal sized dinner. I guess my dinners have been too high in calories. UGH. SO frustrating.

I DO want to lost at least 6-7 pounds before I go to the beach in March. Guess I need to watch the calorie intake at dinner. And I will start exercising once my back feels better and when my doctor tells me it will be OK to use equipment that may also work my back muscles.

But I HATE that I am overweight and plump. I've been super THIN most of my life. I now am looking at being at least 20 pounds overweight. I am not happy with being this heavy. It's making me most upset. NONE of my favorite clothes fit me, and even the clothes I bought to accommodate the extra weight are now tight.

I am not used to this. I was chunky back in high school and in college. In high school, I went on a massive diet for a summer and lost 23 pounds. And after college, the extra weight eventually fell off as I started to eat healthier. But in my adult years, I've generally been very very thin.

BIG HUGE SIGH. That's my gripe this morning.