It is NOT your fault you ended up in this situation, @Gasplessy! You certainly didn't ask for it! Definitely agree with ALL the other wise and wonderful posters. Be kind to yourself. I am sure you'll be able to find something and build a meaningul Life - at your own Time and Pace. No need to hurry. Take baby steps. Are you seeing a Therapist right now? If you aren't, perhaps it's worth considering! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Gasplessy, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!