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05:44 PM

Hi Tryingtobehappy. You're not being stupid. You're just in a very tough spot, a place most all of us here have been...sometimes multiple times. And most all of us understand not wanting to have mental illness on the mind 24/7. I certainly won't be judging you for being away, and am happy you feel comfortable returning, when you need the support.

You clearly know that the alcohol exacerbates and even brings on mood issues. It's a rough bugger to kick, I know, and it's highly unlikely that you'll do well while abusing it. You must quit it, at least until your moods are stabilized. And then, frankly, abusing alcohol is not an option. Some can go back to occasional light drinking, but others cannot.

Do you have a day program (Intensive Outpatient or Partial Hospitalization) available as an option? That might be a good choice, if you want to avoid inpatient. Some IOPs even offer evening options, in case you work. There, a psychiatrist and therapist can assist you with alcohol withdrawal and getting your moods stabilized again. I think that's a much better option than white knuckling, which often fails. Or fails more often than the IOP option. If an IOP wouldn't work, then maybe inpatient rehab would be the way to go, but I do NOT want to think of you putting your life (or others') at risk to reach a "bottom".

Possible trigger:

I have a history of alcohol abuse. My father only recently managed to get sober (after several hospitalizations and almost dying). He's an alcoholic. I seem not to be, but know that drinking too much "X"s out the usefulness of my bipolar medications. Also, drinking on my meds makes me more prone to blackouts. Once, I almost poisoned myself and could have died from choking on vomit. Not a pretty story, though true!

There doesn't seem to be a really good place on PC for those with mood disorders AND addiction issues. There is an addictions forum, but doesn't cover "dual diagnosis" well, in my view. But do ask for support for that combo here. You and I are not the only ones here who have dealt with both bipolar disorder and alcohol (or other drug) dependence/abuse.

Note: I detoxed from alcohol in a dual diagnosis ward at my local psych hospital, 14 years ago. I attended dual diagnosis IOP/PHPs a few times before switching to regular psych. It wasn't an easy task kicking the drinking habit. My moods were severe (manic) and the urge to self-medicate strong. But I did manage. You can, too. Even though I have an occasional drink (pdoc disapproves), some people can't. I know that my abuse could start up again, under certain circumstances. Especially, if I were to quit medications!