My Support Forums - View Single Post - Emotional triggers and self-improvement

Have Hope · Feb 13, 2020, 05:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

Hey @Have Hope: I do not know how closely you want to track your weight but I'd like to share what I started doing. Before my gastric bypass I was weight obsessed. I "tried" bulimia but I wouldnt say I was bulimic because I believe I was suffering from "disordered eating"(not sure if thats an actual dx or not). I would go from one fad diet to another, fasting, overeating, only eating certain foods, restricting, you name it. I do not believe I had a food addiction but I do believe my early childhood trauma affected me and I believe that those feel good chemicals in my brain were triggered when I ate certain foods. As a child- how do you escape that stuff? For me, it was food. I also believe there was a metabolism issue, genetically speaking, that made me hold on to weight. I had gastric bypass to lose weight- yes but the specific one I had was the roux-n-y. I dont think they were doing the sleeves 13 years ago but I dont remember. I chose this particular surgery because not only did it reduce the size of my stomach to physically affect my eating, it changed the absorption. At the time it was hardly covered by insurance and honestly, more "regulated" in the sense that I had to sign paperwork saying I knew I would have to take supplements for the rest of my life, that I knew it was a tool and not a solution and that I was aware that certain poor food choices could make me sick. I think that was a good thing- because I do know a lot of people who end up gaining weight back. Sorry to bog this down- what I started doing post surgery was weighing myself once a week. I was still weight obsessed and would judge myself by those numbers and by what progress I thought i made or didnt make. Since the surgery I have kept all but about 15-20lbs off. I lose and regain those pounds all the time depending on the type of foods I eat. I may not be able to eat a lot but eating small amounts of crap all day will inevitably lead to weight gain. I found that once I lost most of the weight I was still weighing myself too much. I used my perceived success or failure as a weapon of self destruction to somehow hold against myself which wasnt healthy. Unfortunately for me, the "escaping" through food turned into alcoholism but genetically I am 100% certain that the bipolar mixed with paternal genetics was what lead me to have an addictive personality. I overcame it but now I struggle with smoking. I think you shouldnt weigh yourself more than once a week, once a month if you can stand it. I think you should weigh yourself naked in the morning after you go to the bathroom- at the same time. Its really the best way to really see what's going on. I promise you it really helps with the mental obsession. Sorry to go on and on its just something I am passionate about. In particular we women are held against unrealistic ideals and sexualized and judged by how we look. We internalize those ideals and begin to live by them. Being in that state of mind is like being in a bad neighborhood- you are bound to get jumped.
xxxooo

Thank you Sarah! I do only weigh myself once a week, but I obsess over how I feel and look in the mirrors. I just don’t like myself heavy. It sucks. And I do have an eating disorder I also grapple with. The whole thing sucks.