Thanks to all of you I appreciate the responses and acceptance even though I havent been active on here.

Unfortunately no IOP here only IP which I know I can go voluntarily I just really dont want to. I work and have a family that I dont want to leave. Only went voluntary once and since then it has always been involuntary and after getting extremely bad. I barely survived an episode at the end of last year, well they almost all get to that point but that should have really been my rock bottom it was as bad as it could possibly get.

We have one dual diagnosis IP program but it takes long to get into and I got rejected last time I applied because the drinking was too out of control apparently.....

I did a rehab program in the summer and that seemed to help for a while but bipolar symptoms fuel the drinking and then the opposite as well obviously.

I dont want it to get so bad that I am involuntarily locked up again. I just need to find some kind of way to get back on track. I realize its as simple as popping some pills and not drinking it just feels so hard.