Not as a child, my life was pretty stable then. I grew up in the same city, same home, never moved until I turned 19. It was quite obvious though about me already as a teenager that I loved novelty and trying things, even experiment with my own identity, appearance etc in bold ways. Then as an independent adult, I have moved between a few countries (including intercontinental)/states, changed my career field several times (developed brand new directions in each), never stayed in a traditional relationship and beyond a few years even in the more unconventional ones, had several really dark periods in my life and resolved all of them... the list goes on. I am in my mid 40s now and a few years ago I thought I would finally settle geographically and work-wise, but am just planning a bigger career shift again. Geographically more stable now but definitely still curious to try other places for shorter times, and I definitely think I will retire elsewhere.

I think part of this is a form of commitment phobia, but also a strong a novelty-seeking character of someone who just has this ingrained wanderlust. I have been up and down analyzing it, thinking that perhaps it is wrong, that I am constantly running away from things. I think a desire to escape is true and it has caused me problems for sure. However, after lots of consideration and examination, I also believe this is one of my best features: curiosity and openness that never seems to die, willingness to take risks, a pioneer spirit. The only kind of stability and security I really want, and think I need, is financial one - if I have that, I can do anything - why not? I have set my whole life for maximum freedom: never married, no family ties, no kids... Obviously I like and want this.

When I was in therapy, I told my Ts about all this wandering a lot. One of them didn't seem to understand it well and misinterpreted a lot, but he misinterpreted more things than not about me, so not a legit feedback. The other T seemed to get it and even relate, he told me how he settled into a stable routine for many years and my stories inspired him to start exploring again. I think it is a big difference if the desire for change comes from our own character (a love of freedom) or if it is the consequence of never having stability growing up (but wanting it).

I'm posting this to highlight that there can definitely be many upsides to not wanting to be stuck and too settled. It can sometimes be tiring for sure, but I personally would find staying in the same conditions for years and years much more depressing.