Affliction, it's a positive step that you have made it a point to attend some AA meetings. It's a positive step that you have admitted you have a problem and have a desire to actually take steps to do something about it.

Given that you grew up in a home environment that exposed you to an alcoholic, you will have certain emotional challenges you may not be quite aware of as of yet. It is unfortunate that you formed bonds with a woman that also suffers from alcoholism. And you began to use alcohol as a crutch yourself. At this point the only thing you can do is work on yourself and step back as your wife works through her addiction issues. Also, it is probable that you don't quite know how to actually feel "safe" either. Often the main reason for that is when having to live in an environment with an alcoholic, there is no sense of predictability that is actually consistent. That is, just learning that Dad or whomever the alcoholic is has disturbing patterns about them that any child runs and hides from, if not physically, mentally and often by disassociation. From what you have shared, you have codependent tendencies which is often developed when living with a parent that has problems with alcohol/addiction. Often the hardest when it comes to stop the use of alcohol is the psychological addiction a person has developed to using it to "numb" feelings rather than learning how to work through these feelings and even at first identifying these uncomfortable feelings you experience.

This is why THERAPY helps along with attending the AA meetings and being exposed to individuals who can be supportive when you feel like you can't get through a day without that drink of alcohol. SOME individuals actually attend more than one meeting a day to help them just get through that day alcohol free. As each day passes they slowly "learn" how to get through a day sober and the person makes gains on it.

It's best not to convince yourself that weining works, as that means you are still actually active and just prolonging the addiction. If you want the truth without the sugar coating, take the time and research it instead of going along with the thinking that reducing is the answer.