I understand your pain, but as I have learned in therapy... there comes a time in which we can keep pushing our Ts away, that they are not going to chase us down. As patients, we do have to learn to be accountable for what we convey to our Ts-- they are not mind readers. So if we say, "I don't want to go to either of these sessions"-- the message that that sends is, "I don't want to be with you right now. I'm keeping you at a distance." Believe me, I used to do this all the time. In my voicemail, I was saying, "Don't bother calling me back" but in my head I was screaming, "I'm so much %#@&#! pain, you better call me back!!" That was all I knew how to do. Now I have learned to call and say, "I need you so bad and it hurts so much, call me back." It is a process. It sounds like by not going to your session you were avoiding the hurt by saying, "I'm going to leave first. That way you aren't really leaving me." Your T showed concern by contacting you and wanting you to come to the appointments. There are many times when I have not wanted to go to T to prove something or to ditch him before he ditched me, but I always showed up... because like MissCharlotte said, the result is the same... if they are gonna go on vacation, they're gonna go. Take care of yourself.