I'm sorry, but I have to be brutally honest here. Your obsessiveness and fantasy of this girl became stalker like. She initially told you she wasn't interested and made it clear she didn't wish to hear from you/to stop following her. Then you emailed again... several mean emails? Then years later, you email again? You're lucky she didn't put a restraining order on you. I had a guy do this to me, and it was very very creepy! I did put a restraining order on him, after a while. Your reaction to her rejection of you is also inappropriate. It's understandable to feel hurt over a rejection, but then to email several mean notes to her as a result? 10 years is also a very long time to obsess over someone that you weren't in a relationship with. I am glad you are seeking help. I do advise that you seek a professional's help with getting past this obsession. It's not healthy.