I'm new to this site, and I've been browsing the forums for most of the day. I really enjoy reading about the lives and situations of all you people out there, but I haven't really found anyone yet that I can relate to.

I'm 16/F, and a junior in high school. I'm also attracted to guys way older than me.

Besides like the few same-age crushes I had in elementary school, I haven't really liked anyone my age...

In middle school I was infatuated with some older book characters (There were like no eligible guys at my school, I'm sorry to say =P)

Then I liked my 30-year-old church teacher. He went off and got married though, and I haven't really seen him since. I liked a 23-year old science teacher, and my 46-year old band teacher.

When I got to high school, I started to like my P.E. teacher, who was around 36, and I liked him for a little over a year. Then HE got married to my best friend's swim coach u.u

Now here's the kicker: My current crush is almost 56. That's right. Like 39 years older than me. I don't think there's a limit on how old a guy I can like.

And there's not even necessarily a commonality between all these guys other than that they're men, teachers, and significantly older than me.

Some are tall, one was really short. Most have brown eyes, one had blue eyes. Some were balding, some had full heads of hair. Some were.. uh, portly, while one was really muscular, and two or three were pretty lean. Most are pretty intelligent, one wasn't really.

I don't know... it's just been hard liking my teachers. I mean... who can you tell at school that you like your 55 year old teacher? It makes it hard to bond with other girls because it's so hard for us to relate to each other.

It also makes relationships with guys difficult. I'm a reasonably attractive girl. I've had lots of guys crush on me over the years, and I have to turn them down over and over again cuz I just... feel nothing toward them. I went out with a guy for about a month, but that was kind of ridiculous, lol. I think he could tell I just wasn't into him, and he ended it xD I didn't care at all, and haven't had a real relationship since.

There was another guy, though. He moved here at the beginning of my sophomore year. He's pretty quiet and amazing at drawing. He's very bright, which I value in a guy. He's also really funny in a witty/sarcastic/negative kind of way. He's the same religion as me, too, so we have the same values and beliefs. He just seemed perfect. We became friends over time. He had a huuuge crush on me, and we were always seen together. Everyone thought we were going out, but true to our faith, we said we weren't going to date until we were 16 (lol, any guesses what religion I am? =P)

That was just an excuse for me, though. I should have been straight with him from the start, and let him know I just didn't like him like that. But I had so many people give me advice that I should give him a chance. Why shoot down a possible relationship before it even started? Everyone thought it was for the best, and I thought, "Hey, maybe if I go out with him, I'll start to like him, and I can finally have a normal relationship with a guy and live a normal teenage life."

Now, I'm not much into trying to be normal. I think people should accept who they are and not try to change themselves to suit society, but it was becoming very inconvenient, so I hoped a relationship with him would change me.

Well, clinging to this hope, I let the relationship go on far longer than it ought to have. I led him on, and never felt anything for him past friendship.

This has caused a ton of problems, and I just feel horrible for the way I handled the situation. I shouldn't have gotten his hopes up like that. I mean, I don't want to sound vain or anything, but he was like crazy about me--followed me anywhere, was at my beck and call, dreamed about me, talked about me all the time... etc.

And all that time I harbored feeling for someone else. This 55 year old teacher... the aforementioned boy would even accompany me on my trips to visit this former teacher of ours, completely oblivious to my ulterior motives.

Now, I don't want to worry anyone. I haven't actually been involved with any of my teachers. The 55-year-old is married and has a son, and I wouldn't really even dream of trying to break up his life like that. I know he's not the guy for me, and I'll move on, but it just makes me wonder what kind of life I have ahead of me. Will this infatuation with older guys go away? Is it just a phase, or will I have trouble in college as well, enjoying the benefits of healthy relationships?

I just can't see myself liking someone who's not much older than me. I compare it often to being homosexual. They're just NOT attracted to people of the opposite sex. In my case, I'm just NOT interested in any teenage boys. Not really even college-age either. They're just too young to be appealing.

Sorry this post is getting really long, but I think I'll add in one more thing...

As I'm not in my current crush's class anymore, I find it harder to stay infatuated with him. But I can't just NOT have a crush on someone... So... my attentions seem to dart around a lot.

They seem to have gotten caught on my English teacher... problem is... she's a girl...

She's pretty young, I'd say mid-twenties. Married, coaches softball, tomboyish. She's also somewhat overweight. She's not one of those young female teachers that all the boys want. And yet... I think she is one of the most beautiful women I've ever met. I really think she's just like breathtaking, and I admire her immensely.

But I'm not bi. I had some difficulty with this a while back, but I've come to terms with it. I'm not interested in the female teacher sexually or romantically at all. Not one bit. It's like... think about having a crush in elementary school, back before you even knew about sex. Sex has nothing to do with what I feel for her. But I absolutely adore her.

The situation gets even more complicated, but I don't think I'll go any farther than that. I just want to know what you guys think about it. I don't really know what to do. I'm not sure there's much I CAN do. I think there are probably just aspects about ourselves we have to cope with.

Any advice? Suggestions? Admonishments? =P
Can anyone relate? Does anyone know anyone else in a similar situation? Can anyone feel my frustration? XD I just want to get this out there, cuz it's really hard to keep to myself.