Sprite, a lot of us did terrible things before we understood what was wrong with us. I certainly did. Unfortunately, sometimes we hurt those we love so badly we can't come back from it. I hope you and your wife can but it's important to understand how much you hurt her and how she may not be able to find her way back to how she used to feel about you.

The good news is, you're getting help. I'd recommend individual therapy in addition to couples therapy. Really get to the bottom of what's causing your fear, etc. Once you deal with the problem life will offer many more positive possibilities.

Cyran0