Hi deeppurplegirl. I am sorry for the loss of your step dad nine years ago. Grieving is an ongoing process and it is okay to feel pain or not feel pain.

I feel like what your step dad said might induce a person to feel guilt. Forgetting about a person that has died is natural, or at least having a diminishing amount of emotion surrounding their death. I found I did not have to keep opening the wound. It is okay for me to let it heal and not feel guilty.

Here are some articles that may be of interest Coping with Guilt | Psych Central