Actually, you made perfect sense. I know what you mean and I appreciate it.
I am working on this with T and she says that it might take years for me to feel like it wasn't my fault and to feel ok with myself.
That seems like such a long time to work, but it has been 25-26 years of the type of thinking I have now and I don't like it so if it takes a couple years...so be it.
Trying to not be so harsh on myself....it's hard though!

Thank you for that.