Hi Raven,

I am sorry you are having such a hard time.

While reading your post, I was reminded of the first time I went out on short-term disability. It was very difficult to make that decision. I had a very supportive doctor, thankfully. She made no additional stipulations, as I was seeing her once a week at the time. I was/am very resistant to meds, but she and I did not know that yet!
We still had many to try at that time.

I really get down if it is time to try another med or another new set of meds. I am tired of all of the side-effects, the disappointment of meds not working, etc. Sometimes, especially when meds were not working, I resented them terribly. (Right now I am getting some positive effects from a couple of meds now; yet, am not looking forward to the day it is time to again change.)

I, too, worked in mental health and was very concerned I would be seen by clients. I was concerned enough that I entered a program in a nearby state. I did run into 2 clients there, but just two and we had a great time together!

Therapy. I am sorry you do not feel your therapist is a good fit. Is there anything you can do about this? Might you be able to change therapists? Of course, none of us can be guaranteed a good fit upon changing again. One strategy I had used last year was to have a serious talk with my therapist (she is also my pdoc) about what I feel I need vs. what she feels I need and also how some of her behaviors , which she feels are benign, bother me in a very big way. It was not the easiest discussion ever; yet, it was not nearly the most difficult! She was quite receptive and ... the talk has truly cleared the air for us. I can feel the change of energy in the room when we meet now. Our talks actually helped us to feel a bit closer. I also feel it is very "freeing" to know (via experience) we can have these difficult talks with our care givers.

Some pdocs look around for a psychopharmacologist who can provide a consult re: additional med options when a pdoc and client are at their wit's end on med options.

I had been very reticent to allow any pdoc, except the one I had for over 20 years, to touch my meds. However, the new pdoc immediately changed them and I have done better since. I have a ways to go yet; but still, better. Progress!

I hope you will find options which turn out to be truly helpful for you!
I am sorry about the circumstances, Raven; yet, it's a treat to have you around!

Please keep us posted!