Thread: Control?
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Old Feb 16, 2020, 05:54 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs View Post
This is an interesting question. I think it's a challenging one. I tend to try to overcontrol, I think to make up for the lack of control I felt in my life and family as a child. To some degree it is useful to try to make changes in our environment and not stay passive. It's healthy I think to try to control aspects of our lives. However, there is a part of life that is beyond our control, and that I think is necessary to accept sometimes. Like, I have a tendency to try to fix things that are things others need to fix about themselves, or to try to make things absolutely perfect when I could loosen up a bit, or when things don't go my expected way, I could use to be a little more relaxed and adapt. On a related note, I think it's a balance between setting boundaries to protect ourselves, and being vulnerable, which is a place where we can connect with people.

Regarding the therapy, have you found any therapist whose style you liked? Maybe if you think of what it is you want of a therapist ahead of time you could try out a few until you find one you like. I really didn't like the style of my past therapists, but do like my current one.
I think I would like a therapist who isn't too much of a blank screen, and who is more open and warm. Goals can be useful but not someone who says something about setting ''goals and time limits'' (I think that part about time limits might have been an intentional trigger... I could be wrong, but it ''worked'' in a sense to start getting to some of the ''deeper stuff'' (but I haven't found a therapist who wasn't over controlling and even judgmental grr)

Would you want to work with a therapist who said ''I want to get inside your mind'' (no need to answer, just curious, a T who hurt me said that. Also he made massive numbers of wrong assumptions about me. And when I tried to talk about them, and the mean comments he had made, he either denied it or said I was ''taking it out of context''
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