Hi Fuzzy!

I am sorry you have had some bummer experiences with therapists.
I have been quite lucky over the years.

I hope you will be lead to one who is a great for you, but only when you are ready.

I was talking with my old pdoc the other day. We were talking about the very limited number of trauma therapists in this neck of the woods.
He had also told me about a friend who treats violent offenders. It has been his friend's life -long research project. While doing research, he has also met with some of the victims of these offenders. He had "typed" the offenders into groups. After meeting with each "victim" many times, he'd realized the victims with the history of abuse by the most cold-blooded/calculating abusers were most "fearful" of therapy. They were fearful of anyone getting close enough to really get to know them. They were afraid that as any therapist (or friend) gets to know them, the therapist (or friend) would then know how to harm them the most.

It's very sad. We can be so hurt and so scared that we isolate. We can experience difficulties with relationships because we are very afraid of being so hurt/abused again.

How do we get beyond that degree of hurt and fear?
I definitely do not have the answers. I have struggled with this a lot in my lifetime.

Sometimes, we may decide to try taking a risk again?
If so, we can take "calculated risks" to some degree. By this, I mean we can gather information and opinions on practitioners. We can even interview the practitioner. While these measures do not provide guarantees, this type of information may truly help us to find more of what might be helpful to us?

I tend to think that every person wanting to be a therapist truly wants to help. Not everyone who wants to be a therapist is a great therapist and/or is a good match for everyone.

There have been at least three times when I was referred to a new therapist and I had thought: OMG! I'll NEVER click with this person. This is not a fit at all! Yet, I did remain engaged with them and in a short amount of time, I had a completely different viewpoint, in every case. I guess I was lucky? Maybe. I think, in some cases, I was projecting my discomfort/fear upon them and I had felt very self-protected in thinking we'd never be a fit for one another. This may have been a part of it?
In the end, I was very fond of these people.

I am hoping that if you ever decide to interact with a therapist again, that it will be a helpful, healing experience for you!