I’m just curious if anyone else has wished and hoped for the rainbow and sunshine idea of life. That’s what I refer to as Beaver Cleaver ideas of life.

I’ve wanted and manipulated so much of my life to get to that perfect place.

I know in reality it doesn’t exist. That’s my real adult self talking.

There is a part of me, right now, that is standing behind a fence and wishing she had the opportunity to actually experience the part of it that could be real.

She wants, so badly, to know the freedom of true safety and realness.

It terrifies her to imagine herself on the other side of the fence where the light is.

She wants to know if she’s the only one who has felt this way.

Is she so broken that she can’t imagine a real place in the other side, in the light?