Hi Everyone. Pdoc on Friday: he added another anti-depressant Cymbalta (or technically the generic for Cymbalta--which I was on Cymbalta for years and I do not remember it working well at all, but maybe in combination with the Trintellix it will work?). He is starting me at 30mg but then he said if after a month I'm not noticing a difference to go to 60mg. He wrote the script that I take it twice a day at 30 mg each so I can switch to 60 if I need to. Then he raised my anti-psychotic Rexulti to 4mg because I am still having hallucinations. Only the pharmacy didn't fill that one but he gave me sample tablets to make up the 4 mg from the 3 mg's I already have. So I don't know if that has to get approved by the insurance or what. I noticed some nausea and I'm super duper tired. I seriously slept a lot this weekend. I would have slept more but I didn't want to worry my parents. I don't know if the tiredness is the medication or the depression or something else entirely. The only thing I dislike about raising the anti-psychotic is that I feel more numbed out and sedated than usual and that's a tough feeling.


I haven't SH-ed now in 23 days.

I did go to a NAMI support group on Thursday night and I actually participated! I don't know if it will be helpful but at least I went and the RN should be happy about that.


As much as I wanted out of the hospital when I was in the hospital, I almost feel like I need to go back in the hospital. But I can't do that to my parents again, and I don't want to do that to work. So I gotta suck it up and be a big girl and just get through things.


I asked Pdoc how to stop SH-ing because I've been doing it forever, and he was like, honestly I don't know. He said if I could find an IOP that was specifically for self harm it might be helpful for me. I don't know if I can find one in my area though. There's nothing super close to me. The only IOP's that I have found are at least an hour away and none of them have been specific to SH. He did give me some good advice re: the ER doctor and reporting him to the medical board if I so choose. I'm giving the hospital time to respond since I asked for a response by 3/2/2020 in my letter to the hospital complaining about the ER doctor.


I'm wiped out. Exhausted. Not sure how I am managing anything today. But I am getting some stuff done. By sheer willpower I guess. HUGS to anyone who wants one, Kit