My Support Forums - View Single Post - 10 months together but not sure if we can work

sarahsweets · Feb 18, 2020, 04:26 AM

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Originally Posted by bpfighter250

On Valentine's day I said I didn't want to exchange gifts but I told him a day before I had gotten him a card, trying to send a hint that a card or some other way of communicating his feelings is what I wanted. I get that that may have been indirect but he definitely knows how much I appreciate sentimental words. He did not get me a card nor did he tell me anything sweet until after he read the card I wrote him and when he did it was a quick few words echoing back what I had told him (nothing original).

This is not something I think you should be upset about. Everything else aside, he was just taking you at your word.

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I feel like lately he has been distracted because he has gotten a canker sore on his uvula and he cannot tolerate the pain it's causing him. He was thinking of not even doing anything on Valentine's day but in the end decided to follow up on our plans to revisit the place where we first met. While we were there however I felt he was somewhat distant and distracted.

I do not think plans on Valentine's day should be something you worry about. But him being distracted and all...does this happen in other situations or was it just there?

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My boyfriend gets road rage every time we drive somewhere and curses when people are driving too slow. I am kind of a sensitive person when it comes to expressions of anger and it has been hard to sit through all of this. I don't think I would mind it as much but I feel like through all of the anger and crisis it is hard for him to find mental space to show me love and affection.

Aggressive driving is not something I can deal with either because it is so dangerous.

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I love words of affirmation and most of the time the texts he sends me are so short. When I suggested we go rock climbing together again he just liked the message instead of sending a real response. It's like he is choosing to disregard my style and preferences despite knowing what I like.

Has it always been this way with texting or is it recent?

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I feel like I am always sacrificing myself for him. I skipped my workout last week because I needed to calm him down after a stressful day at work. I talk to him on the phone every day even when it's not convenient for me. I text him late at night when he goes out and misses me despite needing to sleep. I am in the mental health field and so I am very in tune with emotions and feelings but he does not seem comfortable approaching this subject or talking about it.

It sounds like he expects you to sit around waiting for him to need you and be available when he does.

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I feel like when I was dating before meeting him I dated people who seemed more happy and passionate about their careers. They had a more positive energy and seemed to have more respect for what I did. Not everyone was like that but there were some. I wonder if I am missing out on something better and more compatible for me. What I liked about him when we met was how easy it was to talk to him. We had an immediate connection and chemistry. I think that is still there but we have some very serious differences. I spoke to him and brought up the continual crisis thing and he was initially defensive but later said he would try and make changes. But I have no idea what those changes will look like or whether he has any concrete plans to do so.

It definitely sounds like you are unhappy. It doesnt really matter which incident is the issue overall you are not satisfied. I think these are indicators that its time to move on. I do not think you need to consider anything but yourself. The decision should be in your best interest. We cant change people, even though we think we can. He has already shown you what he is capable of. You shouldnt stay with someone with the hopes that they will change.