I'm sorry to hear you're still finding your job so impossible. I had hoped it would improve over time and with familiarity. But that doesn't seem to be the case so i'm not sure it's sustainable. I sure don't want you to feel constant anxiety and panic indefinitely.

You mentioned not being able to get disability because you're able-bodied. But i get disability and i'm able-bodied. Lots of people get it and they're able-bodied. I just don't see how you can continue at your job when it's causing you so much anguish.

I'm just so sorry things are not working out for you. We all want to be healthy enough to work and take pride in our professional selves but it's not always possible.