"When you blame me and shame me, you keep me silent." I am a moderator of an abused survivors' group, if you want to pm me Iwill be glad to help. Iknow there is a lot of stuff going on in your head. If you leave, you can sort it out then.......We are all concerned about you and people will get frustrated at you. Try to forgive them...you may feel stuck, but you are not......I would suggest FIRST, go to your mom's, then you can find a shelter.......FIRST be save and then get help in figuring out what to do next. The NationalDomestic Violence hotline will help you. What is keeping you in this violence? Your fist job (I know you know this) is to protect your children. I am not judging yu, because I was in that situation....if your children were old enough to verbalize their fear and terror, they would beg you to leave.....if a stranger came into your house with a gun and threatened to kill you and your children, what would you do? I believe you would run for your lives.. Are you willing to take the chance that he won't kill one of you? You said you wanted advice, and you have heard from lots of us who were once in your situation. DO NOT tell him you are leaving, leave when he isn't there, and go to your moms house....Please don't be another statistic, where we see on tv some/all of your family are murdered. Again, you can pm me.