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Miss Charlotte said:
Do you view your relationship as a real relationship? If not, then that is probably why you don't depend on T

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Sunrise said:
Interesting, so you don't consider your relationship with your T to be real? What would it take for that relationship to be real to you?

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I'm not sure why I wrote that comment in that way. I do think my relationship with my therapist is real. I think she is genuine and open with me. I think she cares, and is providing quality care. I don't know... I guess I see it as a professional interaction not a personal one, even though a lot of what is discussed is personal. I think the only way I can talk about stuff is to see it this way. It is more like a problem-solving/brainstorming session than an opportunity to share my inner self with someone... I don't know it is just different. Its not that I don't trust her, because she has demonstrated to me that she is trustworthy. I simply can't seem to bring the inner me to therapy for a real synchronous exchange. Maybe that's OK.

What I meant in my statement was that some people seem to focus on being overly dependent on or attached to their therapists. I worry about this too, however today I'm more concerned about how my avoiding dependency/ attachment is affecting my other relationships. I'd like to figure out how to be more tolerant of interdependency and allow myself to become more attached to friends/family. One thing I am kicking around in my head is the possibility that I am emotionally disconnecting from my H because as his health is declining, I'm anticipating what is coming, and and am preparing for it.

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Sunrise said:
Ha, ha, I can just picture T during his first meeting with me, classifying me immediately as counterdependent. How obvious, I guess I was fooling no one being my "apparently normal person"

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This statement made me laugh. As I look back on what I was like last summer when I started therapy, I think my T also had me pegged after the first session too. I've made a lot of progress in some areas too. I just feel like time is running out.