Sitting in the support chat room alone, knowing im sinking.....every so often i click the big eyeball and see people shuffle around the rooms..........i dont blame anyone for not stopping in the visit with me or support me....im not worth it...and who wants heaviness on friday nite....

tgif - right? at work joining the normaltons and do the tgif dance...everyone bids everyone good weekend all smiles and converstaions of all the plans they have- i keep the plastic smile planted and nod as i hear about their plans......

i'm almost busting to get out of work and plop in my car....the stress and huge struggle all week even to show up to work let alone do my job is lifted some - i'm exhausted from struggling all week....i get home to a dark house, just me...no one to share my day with.......no hugs, cant remember the last hug...........every friday night i sit in my recliner chair and i weigh the reasons to live and the reasons to die........i wont go into how there's not much on one list in here........the weekend a time SHOULD BE HAPPY TIME...not for me - i crash dive even deeper into depression than during the week.

So i find this place.....and when i first came to the rooms, people talked to me........just like every other area in my life, once you get to know me, you reject me.............its taken me quite awhile to write this........many eyeballs.......many tears.......and alone i still sit.....even in here i hear about your hubby's wife's children and your dog named spot.........i think its great you are all distant cousins to the waltons.......sorry im getting agitated..........a couple more eyeball clicks and once again people shift................over an hour.......not one visitor............im beyond emotions now........

i hate the weekends, i hate the workweek, i hate me............