I know you don’t necessarily want a response here (and I know it may not be super helpfu) but I just want to put it out there.
I understand. I feel sometimes it’s kinda like we are drowning but everyone around us thinks we look “healthy enough...” so we must just be playing and splashing about. But because they don’t realize we are actually drowning and feel like we are dying they don’t understand why we are the way we are or why we may not be able to do the things they think we ought to.
Also fork the “well, so and so did this” bs! Everyone’s disorder looks different and just because one person makes it look easy doesn’t mean people can just assume you should be able to as well. Sometime I can’t even deal with the things another version of myself may have been able to.
Also Re: disability. A mental health disorder can be every bit as debilitating as a physical disorder and it can qualify you for disability (to my knowledge). My boss just had to go on for vertigo. Talk to your doctor about it as a possibility for you.
You are in good company here. Even though we don’t often see them (bc we struggle in silence) I am sure there are soo many other ppl like us who are battling the same demons. We got you :*
Quote:
Originally Posted by MarcusAurelius
I just need to vent. Please take that for what it is. I’m so I sick of being told I can do something when I can’t seem to hack it. If my anxiety and overall well-being is being put to the test day in and day out, how am I even living? I’m not. I’m dying slowly through stress and anxiety and pain of work and fear of not having a job. I can’t afford that either.
It gets minimized every time I bring up how I struggle. “So and so can do it, so can you.”. “It can’t be that hard”. “I think you can do it.” — not one statement is helpful. They just remind me how screwed up this is that I can’t do it.
I know I couldn’t get disability because I’m able bodied I guess, but I feel crippled by my anxiety, especially here. When I worked as a teacher I was stressed all the time but not panicked. So maybe it’s just this job? I just don’t have an alternative and anything else in this area would be fast paced and less pay so more anxiety and stress for less. I hate call centers so much. But here I am.
I’m sitting in my car. I can’t go home because I’ll be yelled at for leaving work early and deal with that all day. I already feel worthless and have fears and anxieties— I don’t need to be preyed on.
I plan to go back in, in about 30 min. That’ll give me about 45min off the clock. My time isn’t an issue as far as employment goes right now , but I can’t keep doing this. I just can’t. I can’t see a psychiatrist until next week (Wednesday). I just don’t know what’s left to do. I’ve tried breathings, I’ve tried this weird “counting” method. I’ve tried just suffering, it just doesn’t work. I get so bent out of shape. I’m just broken beyond repair and nothing but a waste. That’s how it feels. No one can even acknowledge I’m suffering without putting some spin of “it’s not that bad” on it.
Oh, and tomorrow is my birthday. Hurray.
That’s it I guess. Please, I’m putting myself out here in a fragile state as it is which is dumb on my part — but please accept on your part this is where I am right now and no “I believe in you, just change your mindset!” Is gonna do much good here. There isn’t even a need for comments honestly, so don’t feel obliged. I just wish someone could understand how this affects me and why I feel the way I do. I guess if I were better with words it’d come easier.
Thanks for reading .
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