I have to say that I myself was very triggered by what you shared Twinmama831. I am 63 years old and can clearly remember seeing my older brother dragged to a shed and hearing him scream because my father was under the impression that HITTING and YELLING was going to fix whatever my brother did wrong. It did not work and actually traumatized all of us in the family including my brother who constantly wet his bed to the point where my mother had to have him sleep on shower curtains. This was a problem that went way beyond three years old.

I watched my mother pace back and forth repeating "this is wrong". THIS is what YOU are doing now. I can tell you for a fact that YOUR CHILDREN are being hurt in ways that will last them THEIR ENTIRE LIVES. This is something many members here know first hand.

It's possible that because your mother's marriage failed, YOU are trying to do better than that, somehow thinking if ONLY you could JUST then it can keep your husband with you and your family in tact. This is WRONG thinking and will not only hurt you but your young children. They are learning day by day that ABUSE IS ACCEPTABLE AND NORMAL. Your children NEED you to help them FEEL SAFE. Your children don't even know how to tell you they don't feel safe around Dad who can erupt and be mean and abusive towards them, towards you in front of them. Children need to feel safe to love, but you are NOT allowing them to experience that and this can cause them to feel UNSAFE to love for the rest of their lives. A little three year old doesn't have ANY life skills, their brains are not even formed enough so they actually have a sense of personal identity as that doesn't happen until a child reaches the age of five and may never happen if that child is traumatized while their brain is slowly forming to the point where they can begin to form their own identity.

Maybe you don't think you are worthy enough to experience a healthier man yourself. That must be a big factor in this for you because otherwise you would have ended this abusive relationship a lot sooner. It's very unfortunate, but this CAN happen with women where they do stay in abusive relationships.

Your husband is a control freak and he has proven he can be VERY abusive, even physically. So, DO NOT TELL HIM you will leave as all he will do is threaten and frighten you so you stay. You need to plan now and LEAVE HIM without him being around or knowing you are planning to do so. Your husband was a drug addict, he may be sober, but he is FAR FROM well or healthy.

YOU have to be the one that steps up FOR your children and do right by them. Just as your very little boy spit at his sister, YOU can teach him that when someone is mean, abusive, spits at you, hits you and threatens your life that what you do is LEAVE, to find safety instead of copying that bad behavior towards someone else. Children LEARN by doing, that means YOU have to be the one that is DOING with them so they learn.