I never have myself although I used to think about it sometimes when I was considerably younger and in more pain. But sometimes, if everything else fails, I have read that people have benefited from it. Perhaps learned some things in there.

I'm SO sorry you're in so much pain. It definitely sucks when you can't see any hope at all. Although probably the picture you are seeing is blacker than it actually is. That's how things look when you're deeply depressed. I know it's awful.

If you're not in hospital, seems to me it'd probably be a good idea to look at the alternative place with your father. Can you talk to him about how you feel? I seem to recall that although you have friendly enough relations, the two of you have not been emotionally close.

Many hugs.....