It is scary how brainwashing does occur.

From what I understand, it's easier for a victim of abuse TO BE brainwashed if they've already grown up believing negative beliefs about themselves, ie .that they are undeserving, unlovable, hateful, terrible human beings... and usually that comes from past abuse.

So when an abuser tells their victim how terrible they are, they already feel this way inside, so it's reaffirming to the victim of abuse, that yes, they must be a terrible person, or they must be at fault somehow, or they must be deserving of the mistreatment they are receiving. And these are the exact messages that an abuser sends to their victim.

It's so saddening to see and watch happen. The abuse victim can only get out if they somehow get out of their own mindset of believing these false types of accusations and inwards beliefs that they've already engrained in themselves their whole lives. And that usually takes a therapist -- a good therapist - to help the victim to understand that they've been told FALSE messages about themselves because of the abuse they've endured.

I have a good friend -- a female friend - who exemplifies exactly what I am talking about. She is full of self-hatred and self-deprecating remarks because she was SO badly abused as a child. Then married an abuser..... and she is quite brainwashed to believe that SHE is the problem - NOT HIM. When he's the abuser, not her. She also suffers from BPD and believes that it's her BDP that causes everything abusive act that he does to her. It's SO saddening... and whenever I tell her she's being abused, she turns her head the other way.

In contrast, a person who grew up NOT being abused, whose self-esteem was nurtured and developed fully, would never be brainwashed to believe the BS that an abuser dishes out. This person has strong self-esteem and knows that it's not their fault OR their disorder. A person with strong self-esteem has a much easier time walking away from abuse than does the person with far weaker self-esteem or than someone who has grown up with and become conditioned to abuse.