Do you have an action plan written out? Is there an emergency number to call at your pdoc's? As much as your brain is telling you not to I think you should reach out to those whose job it is to help you. You won't always feel this way. I call this "brain bad" when i get SI. I also try to distract my brain- read or watch Netflix or call a friend. It usually works- only once did I ever get hospitalized. I'll skip the details of that.