From my own experience, where I would have given ANYTHING for my mum to leave my dad (and take us with her), I've come to realise that the brainwashing wasn't so much of a problem as we sometimes assume.

My mum was very astute and self-aware.

But when you're in that situation, as many of us sadly know, there are many unspoken elements at play.

Often, the frightened family members (and we're afraid ALL the time, on some level, even when nothing is happening) are living in a hypersensitised state, where instincts are everything.

We can become like little meercats, ridiculously vigilant (for, say, any tiny sign that might herald a shift in the abuser's mood).

In short, through living this way we KNOW that leaving the violent person (who we've been walking on eggshells around for years) would be unbelievably dangerous.

Leaving is the ONLY way.

A child cannot be happy in that environment. It's hell on earth!

But I just wanted to say that for some abused women who stay, they aren't brainwashed, as such. It's that they know in their hearts that if they ask for help, they and their kids could die. They are more, then, trying to make the best of an impossible situation.

This was my experience, anyway.

My dad's rage, if my mum had ever called the police on him, would have been apocalyptic.