I hate using the mad smiley and I don't know where this post belongs or why I'm bothering to write it. I sound like a broken record - my posts these days are as predictable as my husband's behavior.

So, the last I reported 2 months ago was that he was refusing to go to class (he's 33 and a full-time student) because he had fallen behind and needed the time to 'catch up'. I discovered that his amazing rationale coincided with the fact that he stopped taking one out his two psych. meds, cold-turkey and without telling me. In doing so, he got even further behind (predictable) and since he has severe social anxiety even when ON meds, he 'didn't see the point' in contacting his instructors to get some individualized help with what he missed or what was due. He ended up missing 2 solid weeks of classes toward the end, which I suspected but couldn't get him to admit, until I took the day off and convinced him to go to his dean's office to explain that he was struggling and that he needed some help. He was out of her office within 5 minutes, because she informed him that the school, per policy, was withdrawing his enrollment due to continuous unexcused absence (how many of you saw that coming? anybody would... except my husband).

So, he stayed in bed for about a week and a half, then finally DID get himself on the stick and went to our T, got a letter from her explaining his mental health issues and how they resulted in his extended absence, and he managed to appeal his expulsion and got back into school for this term. I told him that I did not want to pay for 5 classes due to the risk, so he's taking only 2 and so far has applied for one (1) job. Fine.

But, this week has been 5 days of hell. All apparently my fault. I had been trying to deal with a few plumbing problems with our sink and bathtub, and on Monday he decided to take over and ended up breaking the sink pedestal and the valve to the shower. Now we need a new sink and we have to turn the water on and off at the main in the basement to avoid having water gush nonstop from the shower. He has been in a foul mood day in and day out since Monday night, and on Wednesday, I gingerly asked him if he has a plan for what to do with the plumbing or if he wanted me to call a plumber to finish the job. He coldly told me to call a plumber, so I did. The plumber did not have all of the necessary parts that day, so had to leave without finishing the job, and had other appointments yesterday and today, so won't be here until Saturday. Understandable - our emergency isn't his emergency. But now my husband is furious with the 'stupid' plumber who 'doesn't know what he is doing' and who 'can't even fix anything'. NO amount of logic will get through to him. And of course this is all MY fault because I 'insisted' upon intervening when he had 'had the situation entirely under control'.

He had several screaming/crying/cursing fits over the last few days and my reaction fluctuated between calmly but firmly telling him that he needed to get his emotions under control, to hugging him until he calmed down, to threatening to calll the police if he didn't leave my house (which, by the way, has never worked - I can't seem to MAKE him leave the house. It's an interesting conundrum - looks so easy in the movies). He usually calms down for about an hour, then tenses himself back into irrationality and hostility.

Well, today I got pretty fed up and decided to check his bottle of his remaining medication, Lexapro. He had gotten a refill about 3 weeks ago. All pills were still in the bottle. I confronted him, and he said that he decided he didn't like the way he felt on them. WHAT?????? As if he is feeling better NOW???? I hit the roof - I had already made it clear that stopping meds cold-turkey without telling the people you live with and your doctor is reckless and irresponsible. NOT TO MENTION THAT HE HAD JUST BEEN KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL AND IS EXPECTING A BABY IN A FEW WEEKS.

WTF?????

I seriously don't know what to do. I am TRAPPED. Yes, I do love him tremendously, but he's going to have me in a straightjacket before this is over. I do believe he is going to be the most nurturing father ever, but I can't let him pull this crap in front of our kid. But since I can't stop him from pulling it when she's still inside me (and can hear the yelling and feel the tension, undoubtably), then how the heck do I think I can stop it later?

I would leave and stay in a hotel dueing times like these but it's MY HOUSE. I want the person with the toxic energy to be the one to leave, not me.

He is like two totally separate people. I love my 'nice' husband and want more than anything to grow old with him. But my 'mean' husband is a prick who needs to get the stick out of his butt and learn some respect and responsibilty.



Thanks for taking the time to listen to my broken record. Again. And again.

ps - please don't tell me to 'just' leave him or 'just' tell him that I'm not going to support him or anything like that. I'm not a wimp - it's more that I can't find a way to enforce any boundaries without a seriously negative consequence to ME. What I need is a set of practical steps that I can take - the obvious soltions are out of reach without them. argh.

The fact is that none of the mental health professionals have any advice for me at this point. He is completely resistant to getting himself better, and there isn't anything I can do other than file for divorce or put up with his drama. I am not a black and white thinker, but after 8 years of this, all of the grey-area alternatives have proven to not pan out.