I took my S.O. for a cancer treatment today. The nurse at the infusion clinic felt reluctant to even give it. She said his lungs sounded so bad. She called the oncologist to ask if he was sure this was a good idea. I really appreciate the nurses not being robots, but questioning things. A year ago, a nurse at this treatment clinic said she thought something was really wrong with his breathing and recommended we go to an ER. We did, and he was admitted with pneumonia. Before each treatment, we see the oncologist. So I'm wondering how come the oncologist isn't noticing what the nurses are picking up on? This oncologist specializes in lung cancer, so he ought to be pretty quick to notice things like labored breathing. He ought to listen to my guy's chest. Today the nurse said she couldn't hear any air going in and out of the left lung. So next time we're in that doctor's office, I'll suggest, "Hey, maybe you ought to listen to his chest." Then I'll ask, "How does each lung sound to you?" One hates to thing that you have to remind a doctor of what to do, but . . .

I don't know who to trust. I don't trust any of these doctors. Three years ago, doctors at the hospitals were telling us to get on hospice and stop coming to the ER/ED. That was before there was even any diagnosis of cancer. My S.O. was getting recurring bouts of pneumonia. They said I was letting him eat stuff he couldn't swallow right, and he was inhaling his food. Now, in retrospect, we know he had lung cancer way back then that hadn't been diagnosed. Food might have had nothing to do with the frequent lung infections.

When they figured out it was lung cancer, it was already stage 4 cancer. I don't understand why doctors didn't suspect cancer sooner, when they knew he had been a heavy smoker for a large part of his life. (I don't know why I didn't suspect that, myself.) I wish I had kept a journal of all these hospitalizations. I wonder how many residents of nursing homes have major things wrong with them that have just never been diagnosed?

So, more recently, doctors at the hospitals have said my guy is too weak to handle treatment for cancer. Meanwhile, the oncologist seems to think he might feel better, if he got treatment. So I have to wonder who do I believe?

Every time I've brought him to the hospital, he left feeling way better than when he went in. Yet doctors don't want us showing up in the ER/ED. I think they believe society has already spent enough money on him.