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Originally Posted by luvyrself
Thank you for this article. Very good stressing the effect of social interactions, possibly pushing acetaminophen too much.
The difficulty I see with the forgiveness aspect is that, while we should all attempt to avoid bad social relationships or try to heal them when feasible if they are important to us, oversimplification of the concept of forgiveness could pose problems for those of us with a lot of boundary problems. Forgive,forgive,forgive is not a good approach for people who let people consistently take advantage of them and there are many of us on the forum. I liked Blanche’s reference to Buddhism which I like for the meditation and mindful aspect. However, I want to remember to walk away from some people and situations rather than letting bad situations occur repeatedly trying to forgive people who need to be avoided .
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Great points. I agree an oversimplification of forgiveness and perhaps a misunderstanding cause issues.
My therapist told me one of her mentors said 'forgiveness occurs when you no longer seek retribution'. I like that model. It isn't perfect, but it essentially implies the cycle of attachment to the issue ceases when you no longer seek to see the other person affected. You are spot on about boundaries and needing to walk away sometimes. In my mind forgiveness can occur while setting boundaries. You can walk away while carrying neutral feelings for another. I have forgiven and stood my ground before. There are so times when I have just paid lip service to forgiveness, but I was still attached and invested in the other person 'learning their lesson'.
Another teacher offered in a book I'm reading that forgiveness is the giving of space for a situation to come to completion or grow or go wherever it needs to next. She said not offering forgiveness keeps one anchored to the event that caused pain. Sometimes anchoring in can be beneficial I think as it helps us to learn the magnitude of some events and issues. However, eventually offering space so that you can free yourself from that anchor is something worth exploring.