I would be upset with both the woman and my husband if an affair occurred. The woman is just as responsible as the man in the equation of an affair. Why should the woman get off that easily? She's making a choice to have an affair with someone who is already taken. That is her choice. She is just as responsible, in my own opinion. Neither would be innocent. It takes two to tango, as they say.

And if the OP decides to reach out to this married man? Is that not HER being responsible for starting things? She can't get off that easily. It's her CHOOSING to shake things up in a marriage. She's fully responsible for her own actions and choices.