Hi Katiier. Welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry you suffered from neglect as a child. No one should have to go through that.

My own experience is that too much focusing on what went wrong makes me depressed. So what I try to do is acknowledge what went wrong but not obsess about it. Cry about it or journal about it, then listen to some music or a mindfulness video to help me focus on this moment.

Unfortunately we cannot change the past. We can create a present moment that is as alive and joyful as we can. Or at least we can be aware of our breath and what our senses tell us.

I think the 5 stages of grief are a model for what I have experienced. And when I finally get to acceptance, it is time to reinvent who I think I am and start the process of living my life anew.
@CANDC